Stop Touching My Baby

Touching my babyExcuse me, but why do you think it’s okay to touch my baby? I know you mean well and my baby is super cute, but just because she’s a baby doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to invade her personal space. In greeting a stranger do you start with a caress of the cheek? Soft fondling of the hand? A rubbing of the noses à la Eskimo? My baby smiles in response to your cooing because she likes the attention, however she doesn’t know that the world is a dirty place and you are likely dirty too. Don’t get me wrong, chances are you’re lovely and I do get a kick out of  people wanting to interact with my child. In fact, when people are unmoved by a gorgeous baby like mine I think they’re probably sociopathic. Like puppies, it should be impossible to look at a smiling baby and turn away in indifference. However, touching my baby is not cool. I don’t know you, and even if I did, I don’t know where you’ve been today. I don’t know if you touched that subway pole upon which someone just sneezed their unvaccinated snot. I don’t know if you’ve just licked your fingers at the first tinglings of a raging cold sore. Plus, my baby has very little control of her faculties. She sucks everything: my shoulder, her feet, her fists…anything you put in front of her mouth. She doesn’t have the judgement to keep from grabbing your finger and trying to eat that, either. So just don’t. Absolutely smile at my baby and try to make her laugh. Coo at her and tell me how gorgeous she is. But keep your face and digits to yourself.

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