I doubt myself. Life rarely offers you a package that fits perfectly into your circumstances. This is especially true the older you get. I think that’s because as you age you take on more responsibility, you have more issues, you have a story, you have circumstances – aspects that just don’t exist to that degree in your youth. Those elements make every decision that much more important.
When you’re young you can better afford to fly by the seat of your pants, try new things, be stupid and take risks. You can even do that in relationships because time does wonders to heal the heart so there’s lots of time to get past brokenness.
Getting more experience in life means you either understand things better, or you’ve just had more time to get a complex about stuff. Usually it’s both, though I hope I am not one of those people who has no self-reflection and can’t see how I’m becoming more anal, scared, unreasonable, illogical or closed by the minute. That is enormously unattractive and it ages you. The people who stand out the most as they get older are those who have an uncanny joy about them. And joy comes from taking life’s crap and learning from it instead of becoming bitter and closing in.
I have made decisions about things that I am extremely double-minded about. In the past year, I have been on the fence about many things. I always think you know what the best is deep down, at your core, or in your spirit. But sometimes, both Option A and Option B feel right. In those circumstances I think you have to try both until things become clear. I’m rarely confused, so being so unsure is unsettling for me. Not to harp on Christians (as I know I often do), but they are quick to judge anyone in this unsettled position, thinking that the person is just not listening to God. You know, sometimes God just doesn’t speak to you. Did you know that, Christians? Maybe not knowing the answer for a time serves a person better.
So I guess what I’m saying is it’s okay to doubt yourself. It shows you’re evaluating things from all sides, which people often don’t do. In which case, I congratulate myself.