It’s hard to rid a person from your life. Take romantic relationships. No matter how short a time you’re with someone, there’s a little (or a big) hole left over when they’re gone. Even if you’re angry with them or the relationship isn’t good, there’s still a hole.
I don’t think it’s pathetic to recognize that hole. Some religious folks and others will say that you need to be okay with being alone, or you have to learn to have contentment in the face of that hole. Or better, that God should be the one to fill that hole.
Don’t get me wrong, that’s fine advice. In the words of one fantastic book I read last year, you only have two choices when life sends you shitty circumstances: you can believe that something positive will come out of them … or you can despair. That’s very true, isn’t it? In light of that choice, no one in their right mind would choose the latter.
But I believe all us humans were made to live in communion with other people, and people fill a void not even God can. We’re made for life with other humans, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting that.
To that end, I truly believe that any person (who’s not messed up) wants to be in a romantic relationship. That is, no one really wants to be single.
But when we must be single again, we must get rid…and that’s always weird. A person who is necessarily one of the biggest chunks in your life is abruptly out of the picture. And then you don’t know what to do with yourself.
So next time a friend goes back to an asshole partner, or stays with a spouse who has cheated multiple times, or keeps sleeping with someone who is just not good for them…have some grace. It may be stupid, but it’s understandable, and we all do it.
I have to cut someone out of my life, and only half of me wants to. It’s nice to have someone who’s just…there.